im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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