peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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