Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
