I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Im just a social blackout drinker.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
