he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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