that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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