So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
