There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize