Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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