I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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