last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
