ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
