Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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