her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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