She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
