now i know why i became what i already was.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
