Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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