I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
