bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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