I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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