i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
porn star boner night. come get it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
