YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
