apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
