Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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