My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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