I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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