i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
