Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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