Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize