what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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