Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
