I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
