I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My ATM looks so different sober.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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