and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
