I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize