I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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