Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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