DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
