Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
