Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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