if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
