Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
