Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
