Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
