Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
