I look better un-naked...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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