Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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