When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
