I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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