sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
