So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
