he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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