Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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