That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
