it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
