She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
