Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
