if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
