Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
