why didn't you poke me back
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Come on in and take your pants off
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