For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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