I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
