According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
