Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
