don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
