Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
