babies were throwing up all over the place
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
